Humor Quotes | Quotes about Humor

Kannnadasan 07:36 Leave a Comment

  • Humor Quote #1

    Gordon Freeman

  • Humor Quote #2

    'No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.'

    Unknown

  • Humor Quote #3

    'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?

    Ally Carter

  • Humor Quote #4

    (But he could not bring himself to say he loved her; not in so many words.)

    Virginia Woolf

  • Humor Quote #5

    (Even the teachers noticed. Mr. Diaz walked past my locker when Finn was there and said, For the love of all that is holy, you two, please don't breed.) Pg 149

    Laurie Halse Anderson

  • Humor Quote #6

    (Kaylee) Tell me I'm pretty, Wash.
    (Wash) Were I unwed I would take you in a manly fashion.
    (kaylee) Because I'm pretty?
    (Wash) Because you're pretty.

    Brett Matthews

  • Humor Quote #7

    (on the word fuck)

    'Oh, come on, Mum,' I sighed at her protest. 'It's just an old Anglo-Saxon word for the female organ which has been adopted by an inherently misogynist language as a negative epithet. It's the same as fuck, it basically means the same as copulate, but the latter is perfectly acceptable. Why? Because copulate has its roots in Latin and Latin reminds us that we are a sophisticated, learned species, not the rutting animals that these prehistoric grunts would have us appear to be, and isn't that really the issue here? We don't want to admit that we are essentially animals? We want to distinguish ourselves from the fauna with grand conceits and elaborate language; become angels worthy of salvation, not dumb creatures consigned to an earthly, terminal end. It's just a word, Mum; a sound meaning a thing; and your disgust is just denial of a greater horror: that our consciousness is not an indication of our specialness but the terrifying key to knowing how truly insignificant we are.'

    She told me to got fuck myself.

    Simon Pegg

  • Humor Quote #8

    *Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.

    Mokokoma Mokhonoana

  • Humor Quote #9

    - Ci sono divergenze di natura teologica su... Vediamo, per esempio sulla raffigurazione latina del purgatorio.
    - C'è qualcuno a cui frega una cippa di minchia della raffigurazione latina del purgatorio? - reagisce Dio, versandosi dell'altro caffè.

    John Niven

  • Humor Quote #10

    - Did you really save the world ?...
    - Mostly I was saving my own ass. Just happend that the world was in the same spot.

    Jim Butcher

  • Humor Quote #11

    - Goblin, that was a dumb stunt.
    - It sure was. Made me feel forty years younger.

    Glen Cook

  • Humor Quote #12

    - Les trois ours arrivent dans la chambre et Boucle d'Or se réveille. Elle a peur et s'enfuit de la maison. Fin. Bon allez il est tard, maintenant dodo.
    Alice - Et elle va où, Boucle d'Or ?
    - Ben on sait jamais, les ours ne l'ont jamais revue dans leur maison.
    - Peut-être qu'elle s'est perdue dans la forêt ?
    - C'est possible. Maintenant, il est tard, au dodo !
    - Papa ! Et si Boucle d'Or, elle est perdue dans la forêt, peut-être qu'elle a faim ?
    - Alice ! Il est presque dix heures ! Demain, il y a école.
    - Oui, mais Boucle d'Or...
    - Boucle d'Or, elle est morte ! Les ours l'ont retrouvée grelottant de froid au matin et ils l'ont bouffée. Ca lui apprendra à entrer chez des inconnus et à se servir comme si elle était chez elle. Sous prétexte qu'elle a de jolis cheveux, elle peut se conduire comme une délinquante ? Non mais sans blague ! Bien fait pour sa gueule !

    Guy Delisle

  • Humor Quote #13

    - Mennyit fizetek én neked?
    - Eddig még semmit, Prizma nagyúr.
    - Na, akkor azt kétszerezd meg!

    Brent Weeks

  • Humor Quote #14

    - Neuf heures et demie ! Non merci. Les plus beaux pectoraux de la Terre ne me feront pas lever aux aurores comme Danette.
    - Pourquoi pas ?
    - Je suis une femme moderne et éduquée. Je ne peux quand même pas m'adonner au culte de l'homme objet.

    Suzanne Marty

  • Humor Quote #15

    - Sometimes I think people would believe in aliens before they'd believe in demons
    - That's how it is, now!

    Jon Skovron

  • Humor Quote #16

    - Surely you have considered terrorist activity?
    There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing. It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours.

    -- The BBC interviews a nuclear spokesperson (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

    Terry Pratchett

  • Humor Quote #17

    - Where is Polonius?
    - In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i' the other place yourself.

    William Shakespeare

  • Humor Quote #18

    -BDB on the board-
    Knitter's Anonimous
    May 8, 2006
    Rhage (in his bedroom posting in V's room on the board)
    Hi, my name is V.
    (Hi, V)
    I've been knitting for 125 years now.
    (*gasping noises*)
    It's begun to impact my personal relationships: my brothers think I'm a nancy. It's begun to affect my health: I'm getting a callus on my forefinger and I find bits of yarn in all my pockets and I'm starting to smell like wool. I can't concentrate at work: I keep picturing all these lessers in Irish sweaters and thick socks.
    (*sounds of sympathy*)
    I've come seeking a community of people who, like me, are trying not to knit.
    Can you help me?
    (*We're with you*)
    Thank you (*takes out hand-knitted hankie in pink*)
    (*sniffles*)
    (We embrace you, V)

    Vishous (in the pit): Oh hell no...you did not just put that up. And nice spelling in the title. Man...you just have to roll up on me, don't you. I got four words for you, my brother.

    Rhage: Four words? Okay...lemme see... Rhage, you're so sexy.
    hmmm....
    Rhage, you're SO smart. No wait! Rhage, you're SO right! That's it, isn't it...g'head. You can tell me.

    Vishous: First one starts with a P
    Use your head for the other three.
    Bastard.

    Rhage: P? Hmm... Please pass the yarn

    Vishous: Payback is a bitch!

    Rhage: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh
    I'm so scuuuuuurred.
    Can you whip me up a blanket to hide under?

    J.R. Ward

  • Humor Quote #19

    -I love you, Lenny.
    -From the diaphragm.
    -What are you talking about?
    -You have to say it from the diaphragm. That's a muscle in here. Real deep, not from the throat. I tried to be an actor once and that's the first thing they told me. That's when I quit. I just didn't have that much in my diaphragm.

    Romain Gary

  • Humor Quote #20

    -I was a doctor, remember?
    -For plants. I was a nurse. For people.

    Scott Snyder

  • Humor Quote #21

    -I’m a girl, I’m his friend and I’m attractive too, so don’t just ignore me like I was a pile of squid guts! She felt like saying back to them.

    Andrew James Pritchard

  • Humor Quote #22

    -Mais parce que je ne pense pas, dit Néron en se relevant.
    -Et qu'est-ce que tu fais alors?
    -Je gouverne.

    Fred Vargas

  • Humor Quote #23

    -Mom, I need your opinion.
    -Absolutely not.
    -What? I haven't asked you!
    - Is a funeral. Not a show of Nicki Minaj.
    -So what? I can't dance on his grave?

    Unknown

  • Humor Quote #24

    -To me women are the most unknown factors in the universe, Vieng had then continued, -that is what makes them so interesting to us. So it’s like us men have an instinctively born scientific nature to study women. As I said before it takes a long time to understand women, if it is at all possible, so once you find the right woman to love then you will never get bored of trying to study her.

    Andrew James Pritchard

  • Humor Quote #25

    -understand. She'll want to visit her family.

    If she does, it can only be for a day at the most. I don't approve of her, but the people are fond of her, not to mention the Italians. It would be very inconvenient if she died.

    Kiera Cass

  • Humor Quote #26

    -You forgot something important!
    -What?
    -It's under my sweater!
    -WHAT?!
    -Me!

    Cornelia Funke

  • Humor Quote #27

    . . . she is our dog. And because she is our dog, we can pick out the tiny, almost imperceptible good qualities from the ocean of terrible qualities, and we can cling to them. Because we want to love our dog.

    Allie Brosh

  • Humor Quote #28

    ..the nuclear family from across the street, which, as a result of decay, truly did have 2.5 kids;

    Robin Becker

  • Humor Quote #29

    /.../he was asked to march to the front hall and retrieve his backpack. He did so with the energy of a convicted killer on his way to the execution chamber. Harold's backpack was an encyclopedia of boyhood interests and suggested that Harold was well on his way to a promising career as a homeless person. Inside, if one dug down through various geological layers, one could find old pretzels, juice boxes, toy cars, Pokemon cards, PSP games/.../The backpack weighed slightly less than a Volkswagen.

    David Brooks

  • Humor Quote #30

    Do You Come Here Often?' and 'Be Part of the Action' Have Become Clichéd
    Coast Guard Sees Increasing Need for Icebreakers—headline, Associated Press, March 1

    James Taranto

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