Funny Quotes | Quotes about Funny

Kannnadasan 07:36 Leave a Comment

Funny Quote #1

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?
Victor Borge

Funny Quote #2

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
Victor Borge
Funny Quote #3

(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.
Charlaine Harris
Funny Quote #4

(True,) the white hole said. (My name is Khairelikoblepharehglukumeilichephreidosd'enagouni-) and at the same time he went flickering through a pattern of colors that was evidently the visual translation.
Diane Duane
Funny Quote #5

*Appendix usually means small outgrowth from large intestine, but in this case it means additional information accompanying main text. Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.
Pseudonymous Bosch
Funny Quote #6

- Do you ever work? Or do you just walk office to office, soliciting blowjobs?
- I work occasionally. It's just that the BJs are much more exciting.
G.A. Hauser
Funny Quote #7

-He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful.

-It was stupid.
Lloyd Alexander
Funny Quote #8

-What's so funny?
-Sorry, David said, reddening again. You just taste so sweet.
-What do you mean, sweet?
He licked his bottom lip one more time.
-You taste like honey.
-Honey?
-Yeah, I thought I was going nuts the day...well, you know, that one day. But it was the same today. Your mouth is really sweet.
He paused for a second, then grinned.
-Hot like honey-like nectar. That makes more sense.
-Great. Now I'm going to have to explain that to everyone I kiss for the rest of my life unless it's you or another faerie.
She'd almost said Tamani's name. Her fingers flew to the ring around her neck.
David shrugged.
-Then don't kiss anyone except me.
-David...
-I'm just offering up the obvious solution, he said, hands up in protest.
Aprilynne Pike
Funny Quote #9

. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends?
Mark Jeffrey
Funny Quote #10

. . .Tell me, Clare: why on earth would a lovely girl like you want to marry Henry?'

Everything in the room seems to hold its breath. Henry stiffens but doesn't say anything. I lean forward and smile at Mr. DeTamble and say, with enthusiasm, as though he has asked me what flavor of ice cream I like best: 'Because he's really, really good in bed.' In the kitchen there's a howl of laughter. Mr. DeTamble glances at Henry, who raises his eyebrows and grins, and finally even Mr. DeTamble smiles, and says 'Touché, my dear.
Audrey Niffenegger
Funny Quote #11

..when the first rubber ball smacked her in the head and made her brains rattle in her skull, she knew that something about this dodgeball game was different
Michael Buckley
Funny Quote #12

Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song!

When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly.
M.C. Lavocat
Funny Quote #13

Ella let out a squeal when I picked her up, “Jonathan!”
I loved carrying her around in my arms. After all, modern man is just an illusion, we’re all still cavemen. We just wear better clothes now.
R. Matthews
Funny Quote #14

Joss
What?
What? Dylan asked back.
You just said my name.
No I didn't
Sorry that was me.
I sat up, banging my head on the roof. Who is that?
Hey, stay down here where the air is good, okay? Dylan pulled me gently back down. Hows your head?
Not good, I think.
Um, okay, so you here me. Heather's right, you do think loud. I mean, I've never heard you before, but my Talent seems to be a lot more selective than her's. But now that she's got me turned in to you-
Who are you?
It's still me, Marshall. It's Dylan. I'm right here.
My name's Joel.
Joel?
Joss, what are you talking about? He took my face in his hands. Who's Joel?
The voice in my head, I guess.
Jesus.
Susan Bischoff
Funny Quote #15

Oh God, Oh God we’re all gonna die doesn’t really fit the definition of banter, now does it?
Lilith Saintcrow
Funny Quote #16

Well Connor thought ruefully At least now I know who to thank for my anger issues.
Justin Somper
Funny Quote #17

Aaron: Dude, one thing the guy said is you don’t taunt voodoo.
Zak: Am I taunting?
Aaron: Dude, you’re taunting the crap out of it!
Zak: I am sorry, I am not taunting you I am just talking...Talking loudly.
Zak Bagans
Funny Quote #18

The Puffer Fish: Wherein the author flaunts his vocabulary.

His father was IRA and his mother was Quebecois, and they had reliquished their mortal coils in the internecine conflagration that ended their conjoined separatist movement, IRA-Q. The appellation he was given by his progenitors was Ray O'Vaque (Like the battery, he'd elucidate, with an adamantine stare that proscribed any mirth). In his years of incarceration, however, he had earned the sobriquet Uncle Milty for his piscine amatory habits.
He had been emancipated from the penitentiary for three weeks, and now his restless peregrinations had conveyed him to this liminal place, seeking compurgation in the permafrost of the hyperborean tundra, which was an apt analogue of the permafrost in his heart. He insinuated himself into the caravansary with nugatory expectations, which were confirmed by the exiguous provisions for comfort. But then the bartender looked up from laving the begrimed bar, his eyes growing luminous as he ejactulated, Milt!
Howard Mittelmark
Funny Quote #19

The Uses Of Sorrow

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
Mary Oliver
Funny Quote #20

[Clover] secretly hitched a ride with a nice German couple and their new baby...Clover appeared to the baby, so as to be a delightful, soothing surprise. Well, the child did like Clover. In fact, she held him and cooed. When the parents turned around to look at her and saw their child holding a furry, living creature, they needlessly panicked.
Obert Skye
Funny Quote #21

[He] carefully put a funky-looking pair of reading glasses on her. There we go. How are they?
She blinked experimentally, peering around the room. Good, I think. Thank you.
Wear them the next time we f***. That would be thanking me.
Aww. You say the sweetest things.
Don't I?
Kylie Scott
Funny Quote #22

[Kagura is doing laundry and tries to wring out Kyou's shirt causing it to rip in two ]

Kyo Sohma: Tell me what I think just happened didn't just happen

Kagura: My love !

Kyo Sohma: My shirt!
Natsuki Takaya
Funny Quote #23

[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers
[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...

(
IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist
Funny Quote #24

[The American President] has to take all sorts of abuse from liars and demagogues.… The people can never understand why the President does not use his supposedly great power to make ’em behave. Well, all the President is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway.
Harry S. Truman
Funny Quote #25

[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee.
Wes Locher
Funny Quote #26

[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.
William Shakespeare
Funny Quote #27

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!
William Shakespeare
Funny Quote #28

^Do every day a thing that scares you_?
Mana'hil
Funny Quote #29

“A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.” — Unknown
Unknown
Funny Quote #30

“Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.” — Unknown
Unknown

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