Hilarious Quotes | Quotes about Hilarious

Kannnadasan 09:34 Leave a Comment

Hilarious Quote #1

(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.
Keary Taylor

Hilarious Quote #2

(Brin) 'How good is your lawyer, on a scale of Atticus Finch to Franklin and Bash?
Lisa Henry
Hilarious Quote #3

(Derek) “How do you see the beauty in a three-eared dog but not in a guy with big teeth?”

(Christy) “Dogs rule. People drool.”

(Derek) “Only if you gag them.
Lisa Henry
Hilarious Quote #4

(Erin) 'What do you think gave you this interest?' Yep. There it was. 'I’m not saying anything bad about it. I just wonder what makes one person want to hit another. Did I not give you enough contact when you were young? Should I have breast-fed?'

(Derek)'I’m pretty sure it started when you left me in the bread aisle when I was two. I started thinking the only way to get people to notice me was to tie them up and whip them.
Lisa Henry
Hilarious Quote #5

(Matty) 'I'm going to a corn maze.'
(Elliot) 'Oh, bitch. You've lost your ever-loving mind.
Leta Blake
Hilarious Quote #6

(Seth) “So,” he said, looking me up and down, “you’re what the fuss was all about. I can’t say I’m impressed.” He sneered at me. “Still riding bulls, cowboy?”

(Weber) “Nope.” I smirked at him. “I only ride his cock now.
Mary Calmes
Hilarious Quote #7

-I am alergic to these flowers.
-I know.
Non know
Hilarious Quote #8

-You have what they call the complete package, Adders.
-What do you know about my package?
-No that package, you idiot! You are the complete package! I wasn't talking about what's in your trousers!
Lisa J. Hobman
Hilarious Quote #9

[Ella] “Again, I ask, whose side are you on?”
[Lola] “The side that has the least Dorito-flavored vomit on the floor after the party.
Dakota Cassidy
Hilarious Quote #10

A hard penis has no conscience.
Matthew Hardy
Hilarious Quote #11

A mistake? The most passionate night of his life was a mistake? Her first time and that’s what she thought. That grated on him in the worst way. “Is that what you think, Beth?”

“Don’t call me that.”
“Why, Beth?”
“You know I hate that name.”
“Oh, so sorry, Beth. I do apologize, Beth.” He was being petty and he knew it, but he didn’t give a damn. She’d always brought out the very worst in him.

She reached up and twisted his ear. “Ow!”
“Out of my way, Robert Lemonade,” she said casually, pissing him off in the worst way.
R.L. Mathewson
Hilarious Quote #12

A peevish self-willed harlotry it is.

*She’s a stubborn little brat.*
William Shakespeare
Hilarious Quote #13

Above him loomed a grotesque fat man [...] His bedrobe was large enough to serve as a tourney pavilion, but its loosely knotted belt had come undone, exposing a huge white belly and a pair of heavy breasts that sagged like sacks of suet covered with coarse yellow hair.
George R.R. Martin
Hilarious Quote #14

Ah, Robert?”
“Shhhh, not while I’m praying,” he said, momentarily losing his place before he started again, “thank you for letting us survive that trip from hell. Thank you for ignoring my prayers for a quick death when I didn’t think that I’d be able to survive another day of starvation,” he said, making her roll her eyes in annoyance.

“You were given three full meals a day just like everyone else,” she pointed out, not bothering to mention the fact that, on most days, he’d received second helpings. She sat down on a bench near their luggage, wondering just how much longer he was going to keep this up.

“I’m sorry for all the cursing that my wife forced me to do while I was on that boat,” he continued, ignoring her even as he amused her. “As you know, she’s been such a bad influence on me. Thank you for pulling me from near death and somehow giving me the strength to survive.”

“Near death?” she asked, frowning. “When were you near death?”

“When was I near death?” he asked in stunned disbelief as he opened his eyes so that he could glare at her.

“How could you forget all those times that I could barely move? When I struggled to find the will to live so that I wouldn’t leave you a young widow? Did my struggle for survival mean nothing to you?” he demanded in outrage, terrifying the people that were forced to walk past him to get to the docks and making her wrack her brain as she struggled to figure out what he was talking about.

“Do you mean those few times when you had a touch of seasickness?” she asked, unable to think of anything else that he could be talking about since he’d been the picture of health during the majority of the trip.

“A touch?” he repeated in disbelief. “I nearly died!
R.L. Mathewson
Hilarious Quote #15

And after his unparsable response, including a passage where he said he was 'blurring the boundaries between a thing and thought,' she said, 'Thank you, I get lost sometimes,' while laying two fingers on his folded arm.
Steve Martin
Hilarious Quote #16

And so the merry party began. It was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you cough twice before you speak, and then decide not to say it after all.
P.G. Wodehouse
Hilarious Quote #17

And then a man stood next to the shelf and said, Come and look at this, Barry. They've got, like, a train elf.
And another man came and stood net to him and said, Well, we have both been drinking.
And the first man said, Perhaps we should feed him some nuts.
And the second man said,You're the one who's bloody nuts.
And the first one said, Come on, shift it, you daft cunt. I need more bers before I sober up.
Mark Haddon
Hilarious Quote #18

And then, on the final day, it was time for the faux Underground Railroad. This is the part that no one believes. No adult would ever do that, they say. You can't be remembering that right. I am, in fact, remembering it perfectly. The counselors shackled us together with jump ropes so we were like slave families and then released us into the woods. We were given a map with a route to freedom in the North, which must have been only three or four hundred feet but felt like much more. Then a counselor on horseback followed ten minutes later, acting as a bounty hunter. Hearing hooves, I crouched being a rock with Jason Baujelais and Sari Brooker, begging them to be quiet so we weren't caught and whipped. I was too young, self-involved, and dissociated to wonder what kind of impact this had on my black classmates. All I knew was that I was miserable. We heard the sound of hooves growing closer and Max Kitnick's light asthma wheezes from beind an oak tree. Shut up, Jason hissed, and I knew we were cooked. When the counselor appeared, Sari started to cry.
Lena Dunham
Hilarious Quote #19

And, really, she did like Chandler, too. She did. What woman wouldn’t? He was handsome and successful, a member of one of Nashville’s oldest and most prominent families. But she’d never felt anything more than a friendly sort of affection for him, and even that usually only came about after she’d consumed a good, dry Manhattan. Preferably during a two- for- one happy hour. At any rate, she’d never experienced for Chandler the kind of feeling a woman should have for a man she thought about marrying, that breathless kind of wanting, that aching sort of yearning, that endless, ferocious passion, that insistent, frenzied, needy demand, that hot, sweaty, wanton arousal that made a woman just want to rip off her clothes and wrap her naked body around a man and feed herself to him whole, that...that… Ah, where was she? Oh, yes. At any rate, she’d never experienced that sort of, um, feeling for Chandler that a woman should have for a man with whom she intended to spend the rest of her life.
Elizabeth Bevarly
Hilarious Quote #20

Anna gave her that disjointed look with which so many people regarded Hannah, as if they has fallen too many words behind to ever catch up.
Laura L. Sullivan
Hilarious Quote #21

Anthony watched him, dumbfounded, and then turned to Lucy. “What have you done with Zack’s brain?”

Lucy stood to follow Zack. “What brain? I don’t think he has one. I think he’s just one giant exposed nerve ending. I swear sometimes at night, I can hear his neurons snapping like popcorn.
Jennifer Crusie
Hilarious Quote #22

Are they Russian by way of the Ozarks?
Alexa Land
Hilarious Quote #23

Are you super strong? Can you be hurt?
Of course I can, replied Dimitri. I'm strong, but all sorts of things can still hurt me.
And then being Rose Hathaway, I said something I really shouldn't have to the boy. You should go punch him and find out.
Jonathan's mother screamed again, but he was a fast little bastard, eluding her grasp. He ran up to Dimitri before anyone could stop him-well, I could have-and pounded his tiny fist against Dimitri's knee.
Then, which the same reflexes that allowed him to dodge enemy attacks, Dimitri immediately feinted falling backward, as though Jonathan had knocked him over. Clutching his knee, Dimitri groaned as though he were in terrible pain.
Several people laughed, and by then, one of the other guardians had caught hold of Jonathan and returned him to his near-hysterical mother. As he was being dragged away, Jonathan glanced over his shoulder at Dimitri. He doesn't seem very strong to me. I don't think he's a Strigoi.
Richelle Mead
Hilarious Quote #24

As for the comparatively small class of violent crimes against persons, unconnected with any idea of gain, they were almost wholly confined, even in your day, to the ignorant and bestial; and in these days, when education and good manners are not the monopoly of a few, but universal, such atrocities are scarcely ever heard of.
Edward Bellamy
Hilarious Quote #25

At present, however, with his aching head and queasy stomach, Sebastian was feeling exceedingly resistible. Or if not that, then resistant. Aphrodite herself could descend from the ceiling, floating on a bloody clamshell, naked but for a few well-placed flowers, and he‘d likely puke at her feet.

No, no, she ought to be completely naked. If he was going to prove the existence of a goddess, right here in this room, she was damned well going to be naked.

He‘d still puke on her feet, though.
Julia Quinn
Hilarious Quote #26

Ava,Since she
was right, Daddy Shane has been calling her our
walking, talking Magic 8 Ball, although we’re not
allowed to shake her when we want answers.
Stephani Hecht North's Complications
Hilarious Quote #27

Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain.
Bob Dylan
Hilarious Quote #28

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
John Oliver
Hilarious Quote #29

Bombs Away! he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken, he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence.
Debi Gliori
Hilarious Quote #30

But you have so much in common. You're both from strange little backwater planets. You both have odd powers. You're male and she's female. What more do you need? Believe me, buddy, if I were you, I'd go right up there and ask her if she wants to ride on my rancor.
Dave Wolverton

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